Jokes
Some yogurt visits a local bar
Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in…
This tells me that I must be drunk
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks…
I bet I can bite both of my eyes
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip.…
My girlfriend is out in the car
A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because…
I know you were drunk yesterday
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time…
Bad luck finding a place to hide
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even…
I think I'll try a nicer approach
Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each…
Someone stole things from me
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and…
Who keeps saying those things?
A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively…
Driving home very drunk
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the…
Who gave you those black eyes?
A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful."Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender.…
If she went out with me
A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed…
I am afraid of that tarmac
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks…
Where is this bus going?
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.She looks the man up…
You can't bring that dog in this bar
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring…